Thursday, May 24, 2012

Dear Chrissy

My wife, Chrissy, was born on May 24th, 1968. We met in December of 1983, dated, married, and had two children. In 2007, Chrissy was diagnosed with Stage IIB Breast Cancer. She fought very hard to beat the disease, but eventually the cancer won and she died on December 11th, 2009. Her children were 9 and 7 years old when she died. Two and a half years later, her children are left with very vague memories of their mother. When my daughter came to me crying saying, “I can’t remember Mommy’s voice,” I felt compelled to do something about it. We watched movies and looked at pictures but it was obvious that something was missing. Pictures, still or moving…cannot capture what it was that made her who she was. This project was intended to fill that void.I instructed family and friends to address a letter to her, under the premise of telling her what they remembered or loved about her. This book is the result.

As I compiled and read the letters, it is obvious what her legacy is and what made her special. There is a reoccurring theme throughout these letters. There was something about her that she was able to connect with people in a way that meant something. While her children are her most important legacy, these letters do tell a story… a story of a life lived in a very honest way. While Chrissy had faults, her true gift was simply being real. Not many people can say they lived that honest of a life. Typically, we get wrapped up in our jobs, the house, the car, and the family politics. There was no agenda with her, no ulterior motives. Chrissy had a gift for realizing that it was the people who mattered. The tragedy of this is that when she knew the end was here, she started to withdraw from life. This is a common protective mechanism the dying employ to try and deal with the end of their lives. Her life lesson is very simple; it’s not the meaning of life that is important; it’s how you affect the people around you.

Obviously, Chrissy had an enormous impact on my life. She will always be my wife, and I her husband.

All that I am,
all that I ever was,
is here in your perfect eyes.
They're all I can see.

I believe that verse from a favorite song of ours captures (as best as language can), what she means to me. Those 4 lines say everything that I can’t. She is who I am. I am here because of her. It’s that simple. While all of her friends and family put these thoughts on paper, it must be noted that Chrissy is the true author of this book. She wrote these stories inside each and every one of us. We were simply the medium she chose for her narrative. I would like to thank each and every one of you for contributing to this work. It is something that her children will be able to cherish when they reach adulthood and can then understand the significance of their mother’s life.

Thank You,

Read the results of this project here: Dear Chrissy


  1. God has been the difference in my own life during times of loneliness, heartbreak, and pain. I know too well what it means of not getting encouraged by others and the hurt that comes from that. I've found that only God always offer encouragement and hope, much better than any human can offer. I can only imagine how it feels to be widowed. I have the taste of having a soul tie broken- I've gotten dumped in the past and it's hurt me so much in the past. The Bible teaches that a sexual relationship (whether marital or premarital) results in the man and woman becoming one (a soul tie). I believe that even emotional involvement (without having sex) also creates soul ties, but to a lesser degree than a sexual soul tie. Rejection and abandonment are all painful things. King Solomon said that everything in this world is vanity, everything is meaningless- a chasing after the wind. Eventually whatever we gain in this world (relationships, success, wealth), we lose them all at some point. There is something you can never lose though- God. God surpasses everything in our lives. Our thirsting for things in this world (especially human relationships) is evidence that we need something greater than those things to satisfy us because everything except God will end up failing you in some way. God has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. God can't die on us and leave us in a state of loneliness. God won't cheat on us, dump us and go off with someone else. Whenever you feel lonely or feel that you're missing something in your life- realize that God wants to fill that void in your life. So many times I've been ignorant about the Bible. We're trained from our birth to live by our senses- thus we look to perceive God with those senses. Most of the time, we can't perceive God with our senses as He is a spiritual being. God has wanted me to develop my spiritual senses and rely on His word (the Bible) to experience Him. I've learned to always see God's word as alive, powerful, and relevant for each day. When I've failed to see that in the past, it's robbed me so much joy and peace. I've learned to look at the Bible as a powerful and active gateway/portal to God. We can try to occupy our minds with so many different things in this world to try and fill the void in our lives or suppress the pain, but all of those things will keep us still hungry and thirsty. God has promised us that if we reach out to Him, He will give us rest, quench our thirst, and satisfy our hunger. If you haven't done that, I hope you will give God a chance. I further hope that God will use you to go and reach others with His word, just like He has used me to reach out to you. Many people in this world are hurting just like you. Many are just looking for a simple act of kindness or a word of encouragement (words are powerful- they can heal and motivate or when used in an evil manner destroy others) which they don't receive from others. Ultimately, many even end their own lives because they feel hopeless and want to end their pain of torment- all because they've failed to see God was nearby all along and they failed to perceive Him with their spiritual senses. God loves you more than any human in this world! He wants to be your companion today and take care of you and your family's needs. I hope you see and explore His love for you today through the Bible- the Bible is the secret source for unraveling peace and joy for you when you can't find them in this world. I can't give you physical copy of the Bible right now, but you can freely access it online at ( May God bless you, heal you and strengthen you and your family. Continue to write and help others for His glory. Claim God's promises to you from His word today. Humans will likely fail to encourage you when you really need it, however, God won't fail. All you need to do is turn to His word. It is available 24/7 whenever you need it- to experience God.

  2. Please read these verses when you get the chance- Isaiah 55:11-13; Jeremiah 49:11; Psalm 146:9; Psalm 68:5; Revelation 21:1-7; Jeremiah 17:5-8; Isaiah 2:22; 1 Corinthians 7:29-35, John 4:10-15, and John 7:37-39).

    If you accept God's way of salvation through Jesus Christ, you will have a future hope because a new earth and new heavens will be created. God will make us new also. All pain, sorrow, and death will be gone in the new world that is to come. You will forget the sorrow of your widowhood in that new world.

    Isaiah 54:4-6 (NLT):
    "Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband;
    the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
    He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,
    the God of all the earth.
    6 For the Lord has called you back from your grief—
    as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”
    says your God.

    Isaiah 65:17 (GW):
    I will create a new heaven and a new earth.
    Past things will not be remembered.
    They will not come to mind.

    Revelation 21:1-4 (NLT):
    Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. 2 And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

    3 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”